I saw the following on one of those ubiquitous Facebook ‘like’ pages the other day:
That slut that will never learn until she gets a good kicking.
This kind of thing makes me really sad. People throw around words like ‘slut’ and ‘tramp’ and it’s terrible. It’s complete double standards. You rarely hear men being described as ‘sluts’. You hear ‘man whore’ but it’s used in a positive light for the most part.
It’s awful when girls describe other girls as ‘sluts’. You can sleep with whoever you want and you can do it as often as you want. If you practice safe sex, great. If not, that’s a real shame, but it doesn’t make you a slut. If you sleep with every boy you meet, so what? That’s your personal choice and it shouldn’t be up for public speculation.
If you sleep with a boy who’s already in a relationship, you’re not a slut. It’s not a particularly nice thing to do, but it doesn’t make you a slut. I read a quote a while ago that said, ‘Since when is a woman responsible for a man’s self-control?’ It’s a good question. It doesn’t justify you sleeping with someone who’s in a relationship, but it at least highlights that a big part of the issue was that the man or boy had little or no self-control. You are not a slut.
Girls are constantly vilifying other girls. Stop it. We still live in quite a patriarchal society, and we probably always will. Surely we should celebrate each other as women and girls and not spread vitriol and hate against people we are jealous of or people whose behaviour we deem ‘immoral’? Lying is immoral, stealing is immoral, killing is immoral. Having sex is not immoral.
I think that Ireland especially is still quite stunted in terms of being able to openly discuss sexuality. We talk about it now, we say the word without blushing or stuttering, but we still think that one night stands and multiple sexual partners are bad things. They’re not. Sex is an enjoyable act. Do it, enjoy it, have fun with it. As long as you’re being safe, using a condom as well as whatever other form of contraception you want, do it.
Sex, sexuality, and sexual orientation are personal. They are fluid. Some people are gay, some people are bi, some people don’t feel comfortable in the gender role assigned to them by society. Some people have sex with girls, some people have sex with boys, some people have sex with both. No one should feel as though they have to fit the mould for a ‘good’ person. It’s all very arbitrary and old-fashioned. Ignore it. Do what you want. Do what’s right for you. Don’t feel like you have to behave a certain way to please other people and to meet other people’s ideas of what you should be.