Monday, October 17, 2011

chaos and clothes and life and me being hilarious.

After another two-week stint in Limerick, my pile of washing had reached gargantuan proportions. So much so that I had to sit on my suitcase in order to close it, and I broke out in a sweat dragging it across Limerick city on three different buses. But it was worth it for clean underwear and a long weekend at home in the not-so-sunny south-east!

Trying to recall the last few weeks of my life is difficult. I know that it has involved college and cider and not being sad. It also involved writing a couple of articles for An Focal and helping out in the Students’ Union. Other than that, a blur of embarrassment and messed-up sleeping patterns. But what’s new?

Fashion-wise, the novelty of being back at college and feeling the need to dress to impress has almost completely worn off. I was seen in a T-shirt and tracksuit pants last week (after spending five hours in the library, mind you!) much to the dismay of my new gay friend. (‘What’s wrong? You look terrible!’ he cried, incredulous.) I upped the ante after that though and the next time I saw him I was looking somewhat presentable. However, he was quick to point out the pimple on my chin, visible from a distance on my unmade-up face. Yeah, cheers for that. I love the gays and their honesty but, Jesus, cut me some slack! It takes a lot of time and effort on my part to look sort of okay. We’re talking deforestation of my entire body, we’re talking exfoliation, we’re talking layers of foundation. Of course, you also have to take into account the fact that I sweat off most of my make-up within an hour and my leg hair grows at an alarming rate. (I’m very attractive, I know.)

Everything-else-wise, life is boring but nice. Busy but manageable. I’ve got an orthodontist appointment today and even though I’ve only had my braces for ten months, I’m finding myself mentally willing my teeth to align a little faster. Which hasn’t been very successful, as you can imagine, not least because my mental powers leave a lot to be desired.

I like to think that my life will be ten times more fabulous when I have straight teeth. New adventures in the Land of American-Style Straight Teeth are on the cards in about a year’s time. I might do a weekly segment: Emma’s Orthdontically Straight-Toothed Adventures. (‘Orthodontically’ isn’t even a word, man.) It will be hilarious. It will basically be the same stories I tell these days only with more pictures of me smiling and showing off my teeth.

Actually, come to think of it, I don’t tell nearly enough hilarious stories here. In fact, I don’t remember the last time I recounted my laughable life to the Internet. You might find a story if you looked back far enough into the dusty archives of The Magic Position but you mightn’t recognise it – what I consider hilarious and what other people consider hilarious are usually different things entirely. However, I aim to post a universally funny story about my life during the next week. (This just means that I will go out of my way to cause chaos in college by declaring my undying love for someone or singing karaoke or just generally being an idiot, with universally hilarious consequences.) Stay tuned, kids! (Actually, the story might not even be suitable for kids: I enjoy swearing.)

Hope you’re all alive and kicking!


P.S. Remind me to update you on the disaster that is my head of hair. It is perfectly wretched at the moment. The only positive thing I can think to say about it is that it is growing. Slowly, at that.

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