Friday, September 30, 2011

we’re not unique. we’re not two of a kind.

This is a night for emotion. For sporadic bursts of intelligence and wit and charm. No, that’s not right. That’s not me at all. I’m vulgar and indiscreet and idiotic. Subtlety is a concept I’m unfamiliar with. I’m lonely. And everyone else is a better version of me.

I’m not sure what I need but I know it involves cuddles and kisses and ice-cream. I know that it doesn’t involve pushing people away and not eating and being a depressive idiot. So I’m going to avoid all of that. I’m going to drink tea and watch something online or read or think or do. Anything that doesn’t involve love. Anything that will distract me in the nicest possible way.

Why do I care about you? There’s nothing about you that should make me care. You certainly don’t care about me. And if I’m not unique, I doubt you are either. You’re replaceable. Everyone is. I will replace you in my mind. And I will feel better.


Click through for sources.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

this is almost cathartic (but not quite).

I think it would be nice to write something emotional because I haven’t done that in a while and I know that some of you actually like my morose musings. However, my brain is still very muddled and I’m not thinking in a straight line. My thoughts are jumping from one thing to the next without much consideration for any one of them. But, if you’re interested, here is a medley of what’s been going on in my brain (and, to a lesser extent, my life) lately. A lot of it is fragmented: bits I’ve written here and there over the past few weeks. None of it is connected and, as usual, it is all very ambiguous and vague. Here goes…

Sometimes when I’m happy I worry that I’ll forget what it’s like not to be. I dunno, I think it’s important to know what that deep, desperate sadness feels like. I think it makes you appreciate your happiness so much more. But when I’m happy, I think I’ll never be sad again. Ha, what a joke. That would be nice. But a couple of weeks ago, I felt awful. Horrible. I thought I’d never be happy again. I’m happy now. Well, maybe not happy, but certainly okay. I’m okay. College is in full swing and even though I still don’t have much of a routine yet (apart from the ‘college, food, go out’ routine of the last two weeks), I’m settled. Things are okay. They’re not perfect. A lot of the things that are still wrong with my life are completely my fault and in between everything else that’s going on, I’m working on them. I’m working on fixing things. However belittling some of it is.

I am attracted to the kinds of people who need to be saved. Maybe I’m hoping we can save each other.

I kissed a boy the other night. He was pretty good-looking and seemed really into me. But then he said he was full of pills and high off his tits and then I died a little inside. Of course good-looking boys have to be mentally incapacitated to be anyway interested in me. 

Advice tells me that maybe I should keep trying for that one person, the only person I want. The only person I’ve ever wanted. But I can’t tell when it’s time to give up or when it’s time to keep trying. I want to. I want to keep trying. I was never a very happy person but since that ended, I’ve gotten steadily worse. I’m barely recognisable now. And maybe that’s why you don’t want me. I can’t blame you. I mean, look at me. I’m not a nice person.

I have déjà vu. I have felt like this a thousand times before.

I’m all sliced and diced and frazzled and muddled and just wrong. And you. You are so perfect and I want you to be mine. Please. That won’t happen though, because you’re happy now. Happier than you were when you were with me. You have a life now. What do I have? Just a whole lot of self-loathing.

And right now my life is too busy for any of the above nonsense.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

in the pipeline.

Expect some new blog posts in the next few weeks. Miraculously, my life is very blog-worthy at the moment. Unfortunately, it is also very busy. I’m finding it hard enough to get a decent amount of sleep, let alone cook, read, write, socialise and look somewhat decent. Le sigh: the life of a college student is tiring (but mostly fabulous). However, in the next few weeks, I’ll be posting about some lovely things such as:

  • Fashion Week.
  • UL Fashion Society.
  • Being back at college (and all the organising, note-taking and hilarity it entails).
  • Moving on: friends, family, and all the rest.
  • My very first blog award. (Thank you, Shanice!)

In the meantime, here’s some some pretty pictures to brighten up your Tuesday morning:


1. I just love Audrey Hepburn and the lovely patterns in this picture.
2. Those gorgeous red lips.
3. It’s true!
4. Grammar is important.

(Click through for sources.)

Friday, September 16, 2011

birds on a wire.

Dress – Primark/ Penneys, €19
Shoes – Marco Tozzi, approx. €70

I think I’m officially a Tragic Fashion Blogger. Blurry photos in the kitchen with a point and shoot at a bad angle? I should sit myself down and have a serious chat with myself. It is a terrible photo on pretty much every level, but I really wanted to show you this outfit. I wore it out the night after my birthday. Pints were consumed with friends (as were kebabs) and I rather surprisingly didn’t ruin my life, which is always a plus (and a rarity).

The dress is from Penneys. My mother thought it was horrible when I tried it on but I ignored her (in fairness to her, I was un-made-up and dishevelled-looking at the time but whatever). Brought the dress home, opened up the RTÉ Guide and what’s down in the corner of one of the fashion pages? My new dress. Of course, the RTÉ Guide’s views on fashion aren’t necessarily something I’d find myself relying on usually but at least it provided some ammo against my mother’s vitriol. (Okay so ‘vitriol’ is too strong a word but you know what I mean! Anyway, I’m all for melodrama and exaggeration lately – they’re very ‘in’.)

P.S. I love Shona (the gorgeous piece of sex beside me in the last photo).

Saturday, September 10, 2011

happy birthday to me!

This is what twenty-year-old Emma looks like!

I turned twenty yesterday and celebrated by eating lots of unhealthy food and copious amounts of birthday cake with my family. Tonight I’ll wear a new dress and drink cider and see my lovely friends. It shall be super. :)

P.S. The top is thrifted, the camera necklace is €2 from Penneys/ Primark, and the lipstick in the second picture is Rimmel’s ‘Pink Blush’.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

oh, one more thing: a giveaway!

Tabitha Emma is hosting a giveaway on her site. The lovely illustrator and designer is giving these two gorgeous handmade brooches to one lucky winner on 10th September:


Head on over to her blog to be in with a chance! :)

x

Images from TabithaEmma.com.

this isn’t ‘goodbye’, it’s ‘see you later’.

The time is ripe for a little blogging hiatus. I’m extremely busy at the moment what with just having started back at college this week, being run down with a cough and a cold, breaking my braces, planning my mini birthday party and just generally being overwhelmed by everything. I’ve got so many ideas running through my head right now and I need a week or two to let them settle so that I can process them properly. Once I’ve gotten used to Second Year and a new routine, blogging will resume as normal (or as normal as I’m capable of, which isn’t very).

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with my first published article for our award-winning college newspaper, An Focal, which you can read here.

See you all in a couple of weeks!

x

Image from issuu.com/ulsu.

doll cult.

I’m obsessed with Nikki Lipstick at the moment. This Doll Cult t-shirt is on my current mental wishlist. Screw education – the minute my grant comes through, I’m heading straight over to NikkiLipstick.com to get this fantastic cropped beauty! My birthday’s on Friday but, let’s face it, no one loves me enough to buy me this piece of sexy iconography at such short notice. It shall have to be a personal investment. Hurry up, grant money!

x

Image from nikkilipstick.com.

Friday, September 02, 2011

you’ll be happy.

And sometimes when you're on
You're really fuckin’ on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fuckin’ cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
You'll be better
And you'll be smarter
And more grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest
You'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

what’s inspiring me lately.

Snapesmiths
marilynsave lindsaychanel

1. Tacky (and hilarious) jewellery.
2. Band t-shirts
3. Woolly jumpers
4. Anti pop-culture tees.
5. Chunky, tacky, gold jewellery.

Click through for sources.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

some very belated outsidelands snapshots.




What a fabulous weekend. The Shins made my heart melt and I fell utterly in love with The Decemberists. :)