Out of 200.
And it hasn’t sunk in yet. Maybe it never will. How can it? I avoid everything that I don’t want to feel until I can’t avoid it anymore and it all avalanches on top of me and I can’t think and I act on impulse and look where that usually gets me.
I don’t know what I feel. I want to feel something but I don’t know how.
I was so lucky. I am so lucky. Everything happens for a reason.
I don’t think I should go on the Mystery Tour – I have too much to do. It would be nice to get some of that ‘to do’ stuff done.