Monday, December 27, 2010

grwcvyhm.

Things don’t feel right now. I’m hung-over. Maybe I’m just tired. I don’t look like I should. I look different in my head. Not like this. This real life thing. This ogre. Maybe it’s better for me that I think I’m more beautiful than I actually am. I don’t know. I’m just feeling vulnerable. I always get like this after alcohol. I want a hug.

The tension in this house is paramount. I’ve made myself a nice little hideaway though: the blinds are down and the curtains drawn and I’m wearing comfy clothes. I’m going to put my headphones in soon and read The Deathly Hallows. I don’t want to hear any of the noises my mother makes when she is miserable for no reason and completely inconsolable.

I wish you were here. I want a hug and a hold and just you. I would much rather spend New Year’s Eve with you, watching some shit film and drinking Coke. It would make a nice contrast to last year when I was going through my making-a-holy-show-of-myself-on-a-regular-basis phase. That was pretty tragic.

Last night was interesting. No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t right. I kept thinking that 365 days ago, I was vomiting the length and breadth of Bridge Street. And now I’m relatively sober after two consecutive shots of tequila (lemon, but no salt, sadly). I don’t know. I’m a shouter. I’m a freak. It’s embarrassing. And I said some things last night that I regret enormously. I didn’t mean them – I was just annoyed. Commitment to the team on occasion would be sweet though.

Family’s a weird thing too. For example, my family is the reason I hate my teeth. And why I’m beginning to hate my weight. And my house. Pretty much everything. Sometimes family is the worst thing in the world. My mother is insane. But not even in the good way. Not even in the sometimes sort of amusing way. In the way that makes me want to be back in Limerick and never come home.

My new house in Limerick is lovely. Lovely people. Lovely sunlight pouring into my lovely new room. (Of course, my lovely new room only became lovely after a lot of hoovering and scrubbing – God damn the dirty fiend who spent two weeks there and destroyed the place. I found an empty bottle of lube in the top of the wardrobe. What even?) I’m looking forward to going back to college because that house will be so nice. And because I will be two hours away from the insane body of hostility that is my mother. (She is also Scrooge.)

This has been a spontaneous update on the positively amazing life of Emma Norris. Okay then.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

have i died and no one's told me or something?

I get this feeling way too often. I don’t know. It’s strange. I’m not lacking friends. I have lovely friends. But sometimes I genuinely feel invisible. Or like I don’t exist. When you text everyone and no one texts back. Well, one lovely girl does. But I think I am dead only she can see me. This is a strange thought process, isn’t it? It’s late. And I’m annoyed at you.

I’m annoyed at you but I don’t want to talk about it here. I wanted to talk about it with you but you’re otherwise engaged. Maybe. Maybe just ignoring me. Who knows really? This is sad though. I kind of feel betrayed.

I want the grant to hurry up. I want UL not to be such a f*cking sh*thole at times. The computer system is down so I can’t even check to see if my bank details are correct so that I actually do get my grant if it ever decides to make an appearance. It shall be a poor Christmas in this house, lads. Well, no, the only reason I do want this grant to hurry up (apart from needing to buy clothes and pay for college accommodation) is because I have this arty kind of idea and I need to buy supplies. I anticipate that these supplies will cost approximately €7.85. So I’m waiting on two grand so that I can spend a tenner on paint and tracing paper. Woo.

Also, telly’s sh*t. Although, Frankie Boyle is sort of amusing. I don’t normally like him. He’s a bit too vulgar for me. Even though I am the most vulgar person I know. Anyway. Yeah. He’s funny. Sort of. Just tonight.

The weather’s a bit … snowy? I don’t know. It’s white anyway. And cold. I assume it’s snow. My nose is cold. You know when you breathe in and your whole head and lungs feel icy? I have that. I bought a fun hat though last week, to stave off frostbite of the ears. Of course, I haven’t really left the house much since. Study week is lonely. And not at all studious. What a waste. However, I’ve been eating copious amounts of vegetables and Weetabix. So that’s something. And I’m heavily insulated. In the form of body fat. It’s great.

Erm, to sum up, life is a bit meh at the moment. I suspect it shall improve somewhat tomorrow when I consume alcohol with my long lost friends. Might even wear lipstick. Yes, I am that reckless.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010