Things don’t feel right now. I’m hung-over. Maybe I’m just tired. I don’t look like I should. I look different in my head. Not like this. This real life thing. This ogre. Maybe it’s better for me that I think I’m more beautiful than I actually am. I don’t know. I’m just feeling vulnerable. I always get like this after alcohol. I want a hug.
The tension in this house is paramount. I’ve made myself a nice little hideaway though: the blinds are down and the curtains drawn and I’m wearing comfy clothes. I’m going to put my headphones in soon and read The Deathly Hallows. I don’t want to hear any of the noises my mother makes when she is miserable for no reason and completely inconsolable.
I wish you were here. I want a hug and a hold and just you. I would much rather spend New Year’s Eve with you, watching some shit film and drinking Coke. It would make a nice contrast to last year when I was going through my making-a-holy-show-of-myself-on-a-regular-basis phase. That was pretty tragic.
Last night was interesting. No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t right. I kept thinking that 365 days ago, I was vomiting the length and breadth of Bridge Street. And now I’m relatively sober after two consecutive shots of tequila (lemon, but no salt, sadly). I don’t know. I’m a shouter. I’m a freak. It’s embarrassing. And I said some things last night that I regret enormously. I didn’t mean them – I was just annoyed. Commitment to the team on occasion would be sweet though.
Family’s a weird thing too. For example, my family is the reason I hate my teeth. And why I’m beginning to hate my weight. And my house. Pretty much everything. Sometimes family is the worst thing in the world. My mother is insane. But not even in the good way. Not even in the sometimes sort of amusing way. In the way that makes me want to be back in Limerick and never come home.
My new house in Limerick is lovely. Lovely people. Lovely sunlight pouring into my lovely new room. (Of course, my lovely new room only became lovely after a lot of hoovering and scrubbing – God damn the dirty fiend who spent two weeks there and destroyed the place. I found an empty bottle of lube in the top of the wardrobe. What even?) I’m looking forward to going back to college because that house will be so nice. And because I will be two hours away from the insane body of hostility that is my mother. (She is also Scrooge.)
This has been a spontaneous update on the positively amazing life of Emma Norris. Okay then.