Sunday, August 29, 2010

on the inside, you’re pretty vacant.

I’ve been waiting for proper blogging inspiration which only ever comes when I’m sad. So here I am. With nice words and metaphors. Because my glands are swollen and I feel vulnerable and I have been overly-sensitive in the last 48 hours. Like taking-offence-to-everything kind of sensitive. This isn’t me. Not normally, at least. But other people are stupid and I’m a sap and I’m scared and worried and terrified of everything. This thing will go wrong somehow. College will be awful. No one will like me. I’ll never be able to afford a bus ticket home and will subsequently have dirty clothes and a square meal maybe once in a blue moon when my mother can afford the price of a stamp to post me up a few spuds and sausages.

Okay, so I’m exaggerating completely but it feels good to say it and have it be known than to keep it to myself and ferment.

I need and want and would really appreciate a hug. Since that will not happen until tomorrow at the earliest, I have to find something else with which to cheer myself up. I am going to have a shower and exfoliate my skin and de-spotify my face and drink lots of water and read The Book Thief and go to sleep. And also take off this awful hot pink nail polish. And deliberate on my colour choice for my nails for tomorrow’s Debutante Ball (round two). I’m thinking gold, only I don’t own gold nail polish. If anyone would like to provide me with gold nail polish before 5 o’clock tomorrow, that would be okay with me, okay? Okay. Otherwise, I’m going with red or something queer like that which will clash horrifically with my lovely silky blue dress. Actually, now that I think about it, I’ll clash horrifically with everyone at the Debs since my dress is so very un-Debsy. Oh well. Story of my life. (Bizarrely, by reminding myself just how odd I am, I have managed to cheer myself up somewhat. Which in itself just reinforces my weirdness.)

In other news, last night’s much anticipated night of drinking and dancing and having a laugh was a complete and utter flop. I’m not even sure why. It might have had something to do with two of my friends not getting past the bouncers at the pub, despite the fact that were eighteen and nineteen respectively. It might have had something to do with the fact that I was in terrible humour anyway yesterday (sensitive and swollen glands – see paragraph one). It might have just been one of those nights. Whatever the reason, the night was crap and its misery seems to have leaked into today as well. Today was crap too. But dinner was nice and I worked and now I’ve blogged and I feel fulfilled. Though that’s probably just indigestion from my second helping of dinner. Whatever.

Also, miraculously, my sister will be around tomorrow to do my tan and make-up. This is a miracle. I cannot do tan. I just can’t. I’m good with make-up but not when it’s combined with tan. When it’s combined with tan, you’re not allowed to have a milky face, which is what I usually have. This is where my sister comes in. Prevents me from looking like a gothy, vampire type person and more like a sun-kissed, goddess type person. Something to that effect, at least.

I think that about sums up my thoughts and fears and all the rest for today. Debs pictures on Tuesday, if I survive the photograph process what with me being a vampire and therefore unable to be caught on camera.

Ooh, one more thing: What is wrong with me? I feel so phenomenally fucking vulnerable.

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