Almost a year later and nothing has changed. But I’ve finally realised something. Somehow. Amidst cider and painkillers and emo cuts. And you saying that there was no chance. You said ‘now’ but I know you meant ‘ever’. And I have been wasting such a huge part of my life on you. The better part of my copped-on teenage years. But, mistakes aside, I have a proper chance at being happy now. The same chance I had before. And wasted. Because I am always so confused and greedy.
I’m sorry for worrying you. I worry myself too. But I feel so phenomenally invisible sometimes. And lonely and alone. Especially now. Especially with all this emptiness and sadness. And, yes, that is me being greedy. I can’t justify it. I can’t explain my motives. I just want everything. Especially what I can’t have.
And you will think that I shouldn’t do this. But I am different now. Less selfish. I have realised two very important things:
1. Life is short.
2. Happiness is what you make of it.
I can’t wait forever. So I’m not going to.
You smell amazing.