Thursday, May 20, 2010

.

I feel like this:

I want someone here now.
I want to revert back to childhood:
I want to cry and have someone here
to wrap their arms around me
and let all my anxiety flow out of me in the saltwater of my eyes.
I want to be so far from here.
Somewhere else, somewhere with my friends.
Quiet. Loving.
Comfortable and soft and unimposing.
No one shaking my hand
for a grief that doesn’t feel like it ought to be mine.
Someone, be here now.

Funny how in a world so full of people, you can feel so very fucking lonely and alone and isolated and invisible. I should be used to this feeling. But I’m not. I want someone here. Human contact. That’s one thing I truly dislike about being single – less human contact. I don’t mean in a sexual way, I mean a hug, a caress. You don’t get enough in this life. Your friends are good. My friends are wonderful. But boyfriends are affectionate by definition. And I miss that. But I would take affection from anyone now. Not brief embraces but lengthy, emotional hugs. I want to fall asleep in someone’s arms. Anyone’s arms. I want to feel safe and loved. I know I’m safe in my house with the doors and windows locked and I know my family and friends love me, but I really want to feel it. Human contact. I miss it so much.

Someone, be here now.

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