I am just waiting for the whole thing to fall apart. Or maybe I’m forcing it to. I’m still having those dreams and I’d give anything for them to be reality, as horrible as that makes me, and as empty as it would make me feel. This is taking too long. I’m in mental conflict. And I can’t tell anyone because I’m not supposed to feel like this. I know I’m not, but I can’t help it. Maybe I’ll always be wrapped up in something else entirely and maybe I should just get used to it. But these dreams…
I cannot wait to leave this small town. It is not good for your health or your soul. Or your happiness. Small town syndrome. There’s a certain part of this town that sends me reeling. Every time I pass that street, my heart speeds up, like it knows that bad people live there. People I never want to see again. The same people that I desperately want to see again. Just for a second. Just to know you’re safe and healthy and alive.
I’m in a much too… philosophical mood.
I will miss Skins desperately. I cannot wait to go to the dentist again. I can’t wait to paint my nails and not have to face double maths on Friday. I can’t wait to see H and I can’t wait for cuddles from J. I can’t wait for the Debs (mine and RHJ’s). And I can’t wait for summer. Because things will be marginally different then, and that will be nice.