Okay so, typical me, I’m in two minds all over again. I thought it was wrong before but now you are endearing. But the thing is, I didn’t want you when you were the only option, when you were there and wanted me. Now that I have a choice, I want you. I think I do. But maybe I only feel like this in order to confuse myself. Self-sabotage. I can’t help thinking that you are important. That you’re supposed to be in my life. Is that weird? I don’t know who I’m trying to please at all. Is it me? What do I even want? I maybe possibly sort of want you.
‘It was the perfect winter’s day. We were wrapped up in proper winter coats and it was cold and sunny and everyone said hello and it was like something out of a film.’
Things have changed. Something has shifted in my brain and I genuinely want this. But ‘Emmy'? No one can compete with that. I’m such a sap. And maybe I do have low standards. And maybe the fact they have a face is enough and I’m sold. But I don’t know. This is different, surely?
Because if you want someone, you want to be able to say whatever you like to them, and have private jokes with them, and cuddle them. They’re supposed to be the person you want to phone at four in the morning after you’ve had a horrible dream. Someone who’ll take care of you. Someone who constantly amazes you. Maybe that sounds greedy. But if it’s possible, then why not?
And I know who fits that criteria. And I want this.