Wednesday, February 24, 2010

feeling… listless.

I miss you. I shouldn’t, because you’re still here, obviously. But I miss the way that I really did need you before. I still need you, but it’s not feasible anymore. I’m not so much of a mess anymore and you have your own life and you can’t spend it all worrying about me. I’m glad. I’m glad that I’m not so much of a hindrance anymore – less crying, less late night texts. You are allowed to resume your life. But I miss you. And I know if I asked, you’d start again, you’d come into my life again like you did then and you’d try to fix things. But what is there left to fix? I’m always going to be like this. With lovely, lengthy holidays from the misery. And I hold you fully responsible for those lapses in sadness. I owe you so much. Thank you. 

Irish Paper 2 today: An Cearrbhach Mac Cába and An Bhean Óg, as well as Faoiseamh a Gheobhadsa and Gealt? (le comhartha ceist). Pretty handy. Risked home afterwards ‘cause I got jealous of Amy going home. I had plans to stay and study but that’s the opportunity cost, I suppose. English 2 and Maths 2 tomorrow. I sniff a fail. Oh well. I could study, but studying would involve expending energy that I simply do not have. Ugh.

Trying in vain to find someone to celebrate with next Wednesday, end of the Pres and all that, but it seems that everyone except me is going to Waterford. I’m thinking few tins at home? Maybe chippies? How very sad. Damn poverty. Damn not having a life. Oh dear.

Not complaining though, ‘cause Amy’s birthday is a-creeping towards us anyway and I see shots of tequila and pints of Bulmers on the horizon, money or no money.

Should probably do something productive this afternoon. I’m leaning towards taking a nap, in the hopes that I’ll be wide awake later to at least pretend to look over English notes and linear programming.

My life is a farce. And I haven’t said that in a long time.

Want a random fact about mé féin? I brush my teeth in school most mornings ‘cause I do be running late. Who knew, wha’?


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