Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Getting Things off Chest.

School is stressful even when it shouldn’t be. I always feel ugly in school. I’m always tired and spotty and those uniforms are devastatingly unflattering. Still, I care a lot less than I used to about that sort of thing. It would be nice to look nice at least once every so often in school but the likelihood is rather small. I shall make do with hygiene, I think. Though even that is hard to maintain when your school uniform smells like old, damp school by Monday evening. Will college be like this? Someone please tell me; I worry about this kind of thing.

Didn’t get neutralised for not having my History Project done. Barbie was disappointed and I told her that I didn’t blame her at all. I think the sincerity helped, to be honest. I really do think she should’ve slapped me from one end of the room to the other because I did have ages to do this project and I’m horribly lazy… But there you go: Barbie’s some woman.

Got back another English Paper One answer today. Happy out. Now I feel like I can’t be swayed from the journalism thing. It’s just… me.

Speaking of journalism, DCU Open Day soon. Looking forward to that.

Still riddled in Sudocreme. These blasted spots would seriously want to pack up their belongings and get the fuck off my face soon: I’m not able for them anymore.

I feel better after yesterday’s passive-aggressive post; it got a lot out of my system. I realised that my complaining and whingeing phase has gone on far too long. So I’m quitting. Out loud. Not here. If I stopped being awful here too, then I’d have nowhere to be awful and I’d get awfully wound up and that. And go awfully insane in the membrane. But I am not going to bitch about people unnecessarily anymore: some people shouldn’t take up this much room in my brain, let alone in my day-to-day conversations. So, farewell bitterness. It was nice knowing you, fun while it lasted and all that.

They say that a change is as good as a rest. They’re right, whoever they are (perhaps my mother and her fellow philosophers). For a while, I’ve been a pent up ball of rage and woes and negativity. Somehow, with one small (not even self-induced) alteration in my life, things are beginning to unfold in a much calmer and a much more agreeable way. I’m calmer. Less tense.

Things are still difficult, but I’m willing to embrace all of this terrible terribleness in lieu of knowing that one day things will be amazing and good and lovely all over again. And that is a nice feeling, that acceptance.

I feel like a weight has been lifted. How cliché. But true. I feel… different. (:

1 comment:

  1. 'They say that a change is as good as a rest.'

    oh so true.


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