Saturday, October 10, 2009

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This is the first Saturday night in a long, long time where I’ve changed my bed sheets and been washed and fed and ready for bed by eight o’clock. You have no idea how happy I am. I’ve been craving this kind of cosy solitude for ages. This. Is. Bliss. However, being me, I’ll be bored in an hour and will end up on Msn for the night.

But maybe not. Because I’m exhausted and looking forward to copious amounts of tea and some noodles and Saturday night telly. I did consider doing homework and even cleared my desk, setting myself up for the task. But it’s just not going to happen tonight. Anyway, I think I’m after getting (another) cold. So why exert my fragile mind and body?

Vis-á-vis decision making, don’t ask. Because I don’t even know. I’m just trying to motivate myself to do something about this stupid stagnancy. I’m some woman for the ol’ lyin’ to myself. And I always want what I can’t have. And when I get it, I don’t want it anymore.

I love winter so much. I love those fresh air evenings and as much as I complain about it, I love coming in and having the smell of outdoors on my clothes. I love wrapping up in layers upon layers and still feeling cold. I love hats and scarves and gloves. I love coming in from a bitter winter night and having a hot shower and climbing into bed. I love winter stews after a cold day at school. I love seeing my breath fog in front of my face. I love rainy nights. I love rainy days at school listening to the rain pelting off the windows and still considering rain a bit of a novelty. I love bright winter weekends and the red face you get from walking around in ‘em.

In this moment I’m in, life feels good and miraculous.

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