I can still remember when your city smelled exciting. I still get a whiff of that aroma now and then.
Time for one of those blogs, I think. Some of you will rejoice.
I feel so weird. I hate being this little emo girl. I really am so tired of it. October is always such a bad month. What’s thirty-one minus four? I have that number of days left. No more crying. No more alcohol. No more of those conversations: I just don’t have the heart for them. I wish things were different. You have no idea. I think my heart is breaking all over again. Or maybe I’m only now beginning to notice the emotional debris all over my life. But this is crap. And I wish I didn’t exist.
I lost my sunglasses last night. And it’s killing me. I am such a loser. Why am I always crying? Why do I have to be so fucking honest? People don’t even want to know so why do I open my mouth? I’m achieving nothing. So what is the point?
And how do I get myself into these kinds of situations? How is it possible for one person to make the exact same mistakes over and over and over?
Also, I never noticed exactly how independent I’d become. It feels good, but it’s also kind of scary. It tells me that I’m pretty much capable of anything now. I can do whatever I want. I am in charge of my life. That fucking terrifies me.
I miss Aisling.
I want a brand new life, please. Starting to hate this one again.
Plan #1: Tidy room. Change bedsheets. Shower. Nap. Homework. Bed.
I’d like to see Kate but I don’t think I have the energy.
I think my heart is breaking and I don’t even know why.
And that right there is me watching my head being brought in on a silver platter. Enjoy.
Maybe it’s just a bad day, but things feel like they’re crumbling. And I’m crumbling under their weight. I know some people don’t like to admit when they’re down or something’s wrong. Why, I don’t know. But they don’t. I do. It might seem like it’s for attention but isn’t that the whole point? You need to feel like you matter. I have no problem asking for help when I need it. I just never know who to ask.