Sunday, October 04, 2009

A Cocktail of Emotions.

I can still remember when your city smelled exciting. I still get a whiff of that aroma now and then.

Time for one of those blogs, I think. Some of you will rejoice.

I feel so weird. I hate being this little emo girl. I really am so tired of it. October is always such a bad month. What’s thirty-one minus four? I have that number of days left. No more crying. No more alcohol. No more of those conversations: I just don’t have the heart for them. I wish things were different. You have no idea. I think my heart is breaking all over again. Or maybe I’m only now beginning to notice the emotional debris all over my life. But this is crap. And I wish I didn’t exist.

I lost my sunglasses last night. And it’s killing me. I am such a loser. Why am I always crying? Why do I have to be so fucking honest? People don’t even want to know so why do I open my mouth? I’m achieving nothing. So what is the point?

And how do I get myself into these kinds of situations? How is it possible for one person to make the exact same mistakes over and over and over?

Also, I never noticed exactly how independent I’d become. It feels good, but it’s also kind of scary. It tells me that I’m pretty much capable of anything now. I can do whatever I want. I am in charge of my life. That fucking terrifies me.

I miss Aisling.

I want a brand new life, please. Starting to hate this one again.

Plan #1: Tidy room. Change bedsheets. Shower. Nap. Homework. Bed.

I’d like to see Kate but I don’t think I have the energy.

I think my heart is breaking and I don’t even know why.

And that right there is me watching my head being brought in on a silver platter. Enjoy.

Maybe it’s just a bad day, but things feel like they’re crumbling. And I’m crumbling under their weight. I know some people don’t like to admit when they’re down or something’s wrong. Why, I don’t know. But they don’t. I do. It might seem like it’s for attention but isn’t that the whole point? You need to feel like you matter. I have no problem asking for help when I need it. I just never know who to ask.

Ughh.

1 comment:

  1. cute blog :)) found it through we♥it.
    almost every picture you've hearted make
    me think of myself, haha.

    ReplyDelete

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