Friday, August 21, 2009

Suddenly.

Suddenly, I have remembered everything that was ever wrong with my life, ever. I actually cannot do anything right. Why did everything have to change or fade away or whatever it was that it did? This is so shit.

Bloody.

Things were so amazing yesterday. Utterly amazing. Everything was going right. I had secured a job, I ate chow mein with my very best friend, and I found that I won't have to return to those blasted psychiatry people 'til November. Yesterday was just amazing.

Today began dry-mouth├ęd. I was nervous. Today culminated, somehow, in me returning to pre-tablet state, pre-revelation state, pre-realising-that-everything-is-going-to-be-okay state. This is me down at that very same level that I reached way back in early 2007. This really is getting a bit much.

This next year will be the longest of my life. I really hope I'm able to stick it out. I'm really not as tough and strong and leathery as I like to tell myself I am.

I can't do anything. I'm not actually allowed to have a life. Or eat, apparently. Or have friends. Or a job. I can't do anything right. I'm trying so very hard to tiptoe across eggshells but it's not good enough.

I've only just noticed what a truly sour person I've become. Or maybe that's just the mood I'm in now. However, I can see this mood lasting for the next while...

Please let me go back in time. Please.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love reading your comments, so feel free to share your opinions and your stories! However, comments are moderated so that I won't experience undue harassment or humiliation; if your comment is hateful or offensive, it won't be published.