Thursday, August 06, 2009


Someone make this whole process speed up. Please.

Y'know, I never really saw it coming. And yet I did.

I need a hug.

If everything is going to be the same, why am I crying? Why do I miss you so much already?

Fuck keeping this blog vague. Fuck people knowing my innermost thoughts. I don't care anymore anyway. I just want to go back six months and do everything over. And even if it still ended up like this, I wouldn't care. Because I would have had an extra six months with you. Time that I probably don't deserve.

I really don't care who reads this anymore. Everyone apparently thinks I'm mental and psycho and weird and all the rest anyway. And harmless. That was another one. What the fuck does that even mean? Does it mean that I have no backbone? That I wouldn't hurt a fly, perhaps? I've hurt many a fly. And with my newly-accustomed (and not very much appreciated) freedom, I'll hurt many more flies. And boys as well. Because they're horrible. But I don't mean that, I don't mean that at all. Not even about you. If you were horrible, this wouldn't hurt so much. Ughh. I love you. I wish I didn't. I'm sorry, but I wish I didn't.

All Bebo needed from me was a removal of the relationship status. Good thing I'm not much of an exhibitionist putting Emma lvs Dillon left, right and center all over my Bebo page. However, I have all over my life. And that's going to take a fair bit of Tippex in order for me to resume academia normally and without a salty, wet face.

I wonder when people will know? Ha. I wonder if they'll even care. Ughh, as if I care that they care. What difference would it make anyway? I'd like a hug, however. If it comes down to it, and someone's offering, I really would like a lengthy hug. That'd be beautiful. That'd be just swell.

I don't want to say anything positive. Not yet. Right now I just want to be, y'know?

I'm going to miss everything.

I'll end up deleting this in a few hours. Fuck it.

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